My Situation:After SEX!

Its getting dark. I have been in his house all day. It’s very important I get back home tonight because of my busy day at work tomorrow. He sees me off to get a cab, one with full headlights arrives, and the driver asks “To where Miss?” “Lekki phase 2” I reply. I turn toRichie, he gives me a kiss on my forehead and says “Goodnight babe, I had a great time today as usual. Come around soon, and call me as soon you get home.”

 

I get into the cab. An awesome day it had been as expected. There’s never a dull day with Richard. His food is always delicious, and the SEX, “out of this world!!”. Although we disagree on a lot of things, we agree only on a few things. Many times I wonder why I am still with Him. I once heard a quote, “When there’s sex in a relationship, true judgment fails.” I guess its true. “Driver drive slowly please, why are you in a hurry? I am paying you, please take it easy.”

 

The way I currently feel isn’t normal tonight, it’s a little different from how I have always felt. I only desire a good relationship that will lead to marriage, but I don’t seem to be getting that at all. We have simply been having fun that hasn’t led us anywhere. For over three years now, I haven’t met Richard’s family members, I have only met three of his friends. My girl friends have told me it’s going no where but I can’t seem to help myself. Right now I feel very empty! My body doesn’t feel like it always as. I feel used even though I have a guy that claims to love me. His words don’t covince me enough, because his actions speak louder. Every time we meet must always lead to SEX!

 

I remember the last time I tried to let us discuss important issues and not let it all end up in sex. Richard got very angry and refused to speak to me. I just kept apologizing, until he said it was okay. I took off my clothes, one after the other until I was bare before him before he could get excited. It was another round of sex again with him. I was just glad he was back to normal, I hate seeing him so angry. Now, I feel like he has never treasured me or valued me as the woman I am. I am experiencing the direct opposite of what he promised me before the relationship started.

 

I remember the day I lost my virginity in his house, he made all sorts of promises, like how he was going to marry me, be gentle with me, he promised the sex would be just once, that sex was just a way of expressing his love for me. I believed all he said, and gave myself to him.Now here we are! Two years down the line and he seems to be having a nice time not fulfilling his promises, meanwhile I feel used!

 

My late mum’s words ring in my head clearly, “Any man that doesn’t wait for you, doesn’t deserve you. If he can’t appreciate who you truly are inside and only talks about how you look, he isn’t for you. Find someone that will treat you the way God wants him to.” I have obviously been trying to avoid her words, all these years, “it’s now the truth sets in”. I have stopped thinking about my spiritual life. My being in this relationship hasdetered my relationship with God. I had always thought Richard would inspire me, but he is just a church-goer, has Bible apps on his phone, which I doubt he even uses. Any spiritual turn I take, he gets quiet and when I am done he then says “Are you done with your preaching? Now let’s come back to real life.”

 

I think I have had it way over my head now. “Your man must love you like Christ loved the church. He died for the Church! Can your man die for you? Or will he be first to take a shot at you?” my Pastor would always say. I must get back to church, its been 3 months already since I last went!

 

Tonight, I have decided to get my life back. Its never too late to begin again. I ammore than a sex object, I am a woman God has a plan for, that’s why I am alive. I say “Enough is Enough”.. It’s time for a change!

 

“Driver stop here, yes here, you’ve passed my place already. Thanks!! Keep the change. Your cab was very useful”.

 

I can’t wait to tell Vivian about my decision, she has always been my adviser and prayer warrior!

649 Comments

  1. Beautiful and inspiring writeup. The Writer is indeed a bundle of talent. We need such media as a voice to our generation….?

  2. I love this post. I’m glad the lady quickly saw herself. Even though d tym wasted cannot be regained, I feel happy dat she has picked her life back.

  3. I really love the way this is short and still has a message. Its something almost every girl can relate to. Its high time we all said ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. God bless the writer.

  4. Nice write up mehn!!!! Really opened my eyes to what courtship/relationship should be. Keep it up…. Looking out for more of this.. Kudos!!!!

  5. This is too good
    and I bet a lot of people can relate
    as soon as he sees you as a sex object or something linked to that then trust me you don’t have much of a future together.
    People often wonder why God said we should wait to marriage, they don’t understand the blessings attached

  6. Wow!!! This depicts the challenge most ladies face in relationships today. I hope it serves as a way out to people who are in this kind of situation

  7. I enjoyed the story… I liked how it was reflective…
    The writer carries you along the thought process of the lady…
    And then enough is enough…
    We all must get to the point when we stop accepting things that are not true….

  8. Wow!was quite inspiring,to we Ladies,good relationship and Love is not all abt Sex,I’m glad she has woken up to reality,may God help her shuffle her life again•

  9. lovely right-up…I hope ladies out there get to learn from these…these gospel of abstainance needs to reach ladies accross the globe…God bless the writter

  10. This is really a beautiful piece and I’m excited because I know that God would use this as a medium to reach out to someone….Inspiring i must say..thumbs up!

  11. Awesome message
    The message is short and simple, but it’s relevance, especially in this age of moral decadence, is infallible, and cannot be over emphasised.
    Thank you for this piece. I am sure it will be a spiritual epoch for many, such as the lady described.

  12. This is an uplifting message, especially in this age, where morality has been ignored with the rise of atheism.
    Thank you Sir, for this post. I have been blessed by it, and am sure many others will also be blessed. Thank you once again. The Lord bless you and inspire you more.

  13. Beautiful piece and exactly what is going on with our generation of today. It’s high time a lot sit down to think of the consequences of their actions before acting.

  14. Lovely story..I like the chain of thoughts and that she recalled God in the place of the relationship and not just the feeling of not being a sex object. Indeed you can be moral and not spiritual. My lady loves God

  15. This is beautiful, inspiring and enlightening. A friend of mine had an exact experience. But thank God she’s out of it and has gotten her life back in Christ. God bless the writer.

  16. “Any man that doesn’t wait for you, doesn’t deserve you. If he can’t appreciate who you truly are inside and only talks about how you look, he isn’t for you. Find someone that will treat you the way God wants him to”

    Hmmm… great words. Truly true.
    Awesome writeup.

  17. This should have a second part. It’s one thing to will and another to do. We always get inspired to turn our lives around especially after a wrong when the conscience sets thoughts in motion. However, what happens when the temptation comes back? When the lust sets in again…

  18. Wow! Its a nice piece and i am she can rethink and not just continue like that…There are a lot of ladies around that cant take this big decision…I wish other girls experiencing this can imitate her and face the truth and stop lying to themselves… infact i think ladies generally should read this… it ll them reshape their lives

  19. Wow, this write up is breath taking….the writer’s concluding part is soo amazing. It’s always expedient we re-examine ourselves in whichever state we find ourselves cos what matters most is having a sense of purpose. #OutOfTheBrokenPiecesOfOurPastGodCanBuildAnEdificeOfHope. Nice one Duke

  20. Any man that doesn’t wait for you, doesn’t deserve you. If he can’t appreciate who you truly are inside and only talks about how you look, he isn’t for you. Find someone that will treat you the way God wants him to.

    Very true. Awesome writeup.

  21. This is a very insightful article. It addresses situations so many people find themselves in these days. And whether sex is involved or not, we should NOT settle for someone who does not have the same values we uphold.

  22. Lovely post.. Just don’t like it when a girl says she feels used.. The guy can’t be used?? Just a messed up steriotype … Lovely write up

  23. I really wish that lots of girls could come to the conclusion that she did,and a bit of advice, NEVER leave your life to please ANYONE.

  24. This is an issue that is so relevant at this time. I hope we all forget d fact that the girl is at d receiving end, and pick what we are supposed to…….

  25. Its always fascinating reading ur post. D storyline and the message is even more touching dan some of d sermons i hear on sundays. If really guysnd babes can take dis solemn decision, den am sure Love will b a whole lot Of adventure to experience. Thumbsup man

  26. I actually felt like I was in her head and was in sync with her realizations. Few writers can honestly pill that off in a way that doesn’t seem forced or preachy. Amazing stuff!

  27. It’s a story that describes the plight of many; both men and women. Not just women though. The thing many of us fail to do before we dive into relationships is define clearly our goals; i.e what and what we want exactly. The thing is no matter how much you love macdonalds, anytime you walk into the shop you must make a specific order. You don’t just walk in and sit there because you love macdonalds. Many of us walk in to relationships for mundane reasons. And then after some time we get bored – no fulfilment. Well, before I enter any relationship, whether serious or not, I like for us to define our known parameters like, how do we feel about each other? What do we want individually? Where is it and where is it not leading to? Stuff like that… but maybe because I’m an engineer and we like to simplify stuff. But that’s how I think about it. It’s like having an equation before you. To solve it, you must work with the given parameters in order to get the unknowns until you arrive at your solution. Pere! Simple!

  28. Wise decision! You should never have sex in other to keep your relationship going. Sex before marriage comes with a lot of guilt. God is a wise God & whatever He instructs us to do is only for our own benefit. As a single woman, you should first of all find God, your purpose & keep working on yourself to be the woman God wants you to be before thinking of going into a relationship. If a man hasn’t married you, he has NO RIGHT to have sex with you. You only attract who you are. When you know your worth & carry yourself in a Godly manner, you will definitely attract a man of character. The bible says “my people perish for lack of knowledge”. As a single woman, you should spend time with God, reading the bible & books on marriage & relationships so you can make the right decision when the time comes to date. The less you know about anything, the more chances of making mistakes on what to do. Wisdom is profitable to direct, in all thy getting, get understanding. May God see us all through in every decision we make in life. God bless you all.
    I must commend the writer did a great job! You are blessed!

  29. This story ain’t complete yet , however, am happy she quickly came back to her sense after wasting some time with Him! Destiny on the other hand would determine her fate wih the guy***I love this forum

  30. Creative write up&really inspiring story.we should learn to value ourselves,for ladies in relationships like this,its nt late to find ur way bck to d church.christ is dere to lift us up when we fall.Nice one victory!!!

  31. A sad story with the promise of a good ending.

    Why do men think it is their legal right to dip their spoon into any pot they see?

    Why do we women fall for all their tricks and scopes.

    Some will ask, can I buy a motor before test driving it? I counter that with, ‘I am not a freaking vehicle Jigga boo but a human being!’ I also counter it with ‘How man times must a winnable be test driven before purchased’?

    May we women start to see ourselves as valuable and that we deserved to be treated as princesses and not ‘sperm receptors’.

  32. … I loved it! Wasn’t just a story but the truth and I’m certain a lot of ladies will relate to it and hopefully learn… Keep writing!

  33. Awesome Message. A sad beginning, but a lovely end.
    Quick question: does it always have to be like this in our generation?

  34. I loved it! Wasn’t just a story but the truth and I’m certain a lot of ladies will relate to it and hopefully learn… Keep writing!

  35. I tink most youth of nowdays should try and read these article and try to learn from it cos most people thinks without sex in a relationship DAT such relationship won’t last but I say NO cos for God to send is only beloved son to die for our sins and cares for us who cares what your bf or gf thinks about you ………to the wrong person who will never have any worth but to the right person u will mean everything ….

  36. Your body is sanctuary of the Holy ghost. Its not a sex object for any man. Great decision! Congrats and welcome back to Christ

  37. this is to warn both males and females to wisen up and pe patient 4 ur marriage. a disvirgined male or female remains a disvirgined person 4 life with that stigma. what shall it profit a man/ woman if he/ she gains the whole sex and looses his soul or what wd u giv in exchange 4 ur life. sex?

  38. it’s really not too late to start again. No matter how far we think we’ve gone, we can always pick ourselves up and start afresh…the right way. This post is inspiring.

  39. Victory, kudos to you. Of the many wonderful qualities you posses, one of the ones I admire the most is your heart for God. It resonates in every piece you write. You are truly one of the few really courageous men in our generation.

    I wish this would be how the story always ended – when it comes to such situations. Sadly the story has many other endings in reality.

  40. To advance in life we must have a time to reflect which she did on her way home after her roll call with the exploiter. Her decision to call it quit is a wise one and that early. I wish everyone in such situation will address it and turn around. Nice article.

  41. lovely write up,….. d gal culd obviously c signs dat d relationship was doom BT y et it tuk her 3yrs to decide!……God help us in making d right decisions.

  42. Grest story. Ladies should know that they are treasure. When a man wants to obtain a treasure, it takes patience and persistence. A guy must be willing to wait for His woman. If he doesn’t value you now, he won’t value you later. Enough said.

  43. Ladies are treasures. When digging for a treasure, time, patience and persistence are necessary ingredients. If a man doesn’t value you now. He won’t value you later. A man must be willing to wait for His woman. Enough said.

  44. Besides the space you omitted on the 3rd paragraph from the bottom. …I am more than a sex object….. it is a beautiful excerpt. Not so sure I got the years….it was 3yrs plus at first and then 2years later. .. but it could be me not paying attention. Whose headlights were full
    Nonetheless it was absolutely beautiful!

  45. It dawned on the protagonist in a cab. By herself. I wish everyone, both the ladies and men, comes to a realisation without being forced or prodded.

    Thank you, Mr Writer.
    Well done.

  46. A very nice piece…..we get so much devoured by the escapades in relationships that we forget why we are in it. This should be an Eye-opener to all.

  47. A nice piece. We get so much devoured by escapades in relationships that we so Mich forget why we are in it. This should be an Eye-opener.

  48. A nice piece. We get so much devoured by escapades in relationships that we so much forget why we are in it. This should be an Eye-opener.

  49. Your will is always stronger than your emotion…
    As long as you are willing to get something done, it would be done…
    Nice article

  50. Wooooooooow really inspiring. What I love most is taught me the importance realisation of one’s wrong act and making effort to change

  51. Nice one!! Taking Decision and standing by it, is a whole new level of birth, just as M. Piaget who proposed the four stages of cognitive development, defined Birth ‘as a radical experience of disequilibrium’. and i believe that in transitions as we progress in life, this interruption will occur, my to u is how will you handle it? Just as scripture rightly said ‘By your decision shall destiny be determined on the earth’ Luke 14:27, An Nigerian proverb quipps ‘a man who is advised and he takes it, he is still a man who acts from his own freewill’. Making decision on interpersonal relationship bases should be from your freewill, anything other than that is induced, thanks its being great!!!

  52. wow. nice write up.
    Whether its a friction or true story.
    I salute the writer and I cherish the message there in. it’s very timely, precise and stop on.

  53. never be deceived by the devil into thinking that ‘you’ve gone too far and can never be forgiven’, that’s a lie from the pit of hell. and remember the devil attacks you when he knows God’s got a plan for your life.
    it’s never too late to come to the cross, the realization that you’ve sinned against God is one of the biggest steps to being reconciled with him, and you’ve taken that already, willingness to be back with God is another. His love is way greater than what you can never imagine.
    ok, my comment sef is almost as long as the article.
    ciao!

  54. Wonderful post dat every body needs to read.most relationship dat were really intended crious at d begining come down crashing bcos Of Lack Of direction nd purpose.

  55. what’s the guarantee she’s not going to go back to him and begin the rollercoaster allover again. except she ready to leave him. let’s hope Jesus fixes it.

  56. Excellent write up.

    A lesson to everyone out there, both male and female. Women should be valued and treasured, a good man you build a woman to achieve her God given dreams and not to use her as a sex object.

    I love this “Its never too late to begin again.”
    God can always turn the ugliest of circumstances into something that brings him glory. Selah!

  57. For as long as I know, the issue of sex in relation to love has been a topical issue everyday. Different people have their schools of thought. Some persons feel it doesn’t matter (the sex), while some believe that no one should be forced to not have sex, since it is a human need. However, this story clearly portrays God’s desire for every man and woman. Sex is not a mere physical activity. It is a spiritual joining. A binding. A cleaving. Which should only be within the framework of marriage. Our generation seems to have lost the understanding of what sex really is about. We need more writers like Victory to use their pens and words to preach what is godly. What is true, honest, acceptable and pleasing to God. It’s Him live for. It’s Him we should obey. Thank you, Victory.

  58. Nice Write up!
    Sex is not an expression of love. Most young ladies tend to fall into the trap after the guy has built a castle of beautiful words.
    I guess there’s a continuation tho!

  59. This is an amazing post. Ladies, we need to know that we are much more than boobs or booties. Awaken the queen in you, and don’t be deceived by anyone.
    Indeed, any man that truly deserves you and knows your worth, will be willing to wait for you.
    Thumbs up!

  60. Very true to the point, most of us youths today are stuck in such relationships. indeed when sex gets into the equation, our judgements get blinded…

    We only look at how to satisfy our flesh of which it never gets really satisfied… it only asks for more and more.

    May God help us to break out of such so that we live a life that is after His own heart and not our desires and lust.

    Thanx 4 Sharing and Be blessed.

  61. Omg! this is really inspiring. Lesson: It’s not too late to turn back and make things right. You are a writer and keep it up. The Lord is your strength????

  62. awesome. i pray that we won`t reach the point of despair before making the right decisions for our lives and even when we are there, the grace to say no and to turn back from the wrong to the right shall be granted to us In JESUS Name. amen. more grace to the writter.

  63. awesome. i pray for grace to make right decisions in Jesus name and even when we are on the wrong side the grace to turn back and do things right shall be ours in Jesus name. more grace to the writer Victory Odunjo in Jesus name.

  64. Great write up.

    I do not believe having sex in a relationship is evil but it should not be the foundation of a healthy relationship. Your mum was right, you should never be pressured into having sex by anyone. I feel that when the craving for one another is mutual, a healthy sexual relationship is formed.
    All the best with your decision and don’t be afraid to dump oga if he’s not on board with it.

  65. Amazing write up and it’s short so one won’t get bored reading. This seems to tell the story of many girls especially in this 21st century where many guys seem to be afraid of commitment but want the experience without the hard work. Know your worth and a man won’t have to make you do what you don’t wanna. If you lose him, he wasn’t meant for you and I say good riddance.

  66. Good story that most ladies can relate with. We need to get to that point where we realise we are more than “body”. We are spirit beings that desire and keep aspiring for a higher purpose.

  67. Really powerful post. True love waits. It might not necessarily be waiting for marriage but it won’t pressure or blackmail the other into sex.

  68. Beautiful….some ladies need to be enlightened. How you start a relationship, is key, cause thats what will continue and run the union.

  69. This has been a topic of debate in d mind of most youths nowadays and u just simplified the pros and cons in a simple well written story. Great read

  70. Beautiful!!!!! We need more articles and people who would stand up for the truth and whats right no matter what!!! Keep it up Victory

  71. This is someone’s story… Thank you victory for helping them tell it. And the beauty of this is that God’s love never reduces but increases daily… Sex doesn’t define love, God sacrifice of his son for mankind is the true definition of love…

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